When two people who aren’t romantically involved with each other decide to enter into a legal marriage contract, that’s a platonic marriage. While it might appear subversive to some, or a blow to the sanctity and exclusivity of marriage to others, the fact is that platonic marriage has been around since the beginning of time (or at least since the beginning of marriage). Historians and philosophers tell us so. And like romantic marriages, they look different for each couple.
The opposite of a platonic relationship is a sexual or romantic relationship. While the term is sometimes thought to apply only to opposite-sex friends, it can also apply to same-sex friendships as well.
Signs Your Relationship Is Platonic
There are a number of characteristics that distinguish a platonic relationship from some other types of relationships. In addition to the lack of a sexual aspect, this type of relationships also tends to be marked by:
Closeness
Both people in the relationship feel a closeness to each other and feel that they share things in common.
Honesty
Both individuals feel that they can share what they really think and feel with the other person.
Acceptance
These relationships tend to feel easy and comfortable. Both people feel that they are safe and free to be themselves.
Understanding
People who share a platonic relationship have a connection, but they also recognize and respect each other’s personal space. They don’t try to force the other person to do things they don’t want to do or be something that they are not.
Why A Platonic Marriage?
Friends who decide to get married can reduce their individual cost of housing and childcare, and gain access to healthcare and other benefits. Emotional reasons to favor marriage include a high compatibility of values and interests, and a desire for family and long term security and stability. And people in happy marriages, along with those who feel connected to a community and who enjoy an active social life, are also reported to live longer and be healthier.
Not to mention that romances can be temperamental, making legal contracts centered around them feel risky. For some people, choosing a marriage based on friendship, and not the potential rollercoaster of romance, lessens the risk while still providing access to all of the benefits that come with marriage.
Platonic marriages appeal to all kinds of people who want to raise or participate in families, pursue education and careers, share financial burdens, start businesses, and establish healthy routines, without depending on the unpredictable nature of romantic partnerships.
Impact of Platonic Marriages
There are a number of reasons why having platonic relationship is important for your health and well-being. Some of the positive effects that these relationships may bring to your life include:
Love and Support
Research suggests that having love and support from people in your life can have important health benefits. This type of support can lower your risk for disease, improve your immunity, and decrease your risk for depression and anxiety.
Your platonic support system can help provide emotional support by listening to what you have to say, providing validation, and helping you when you are in need.
Lower Stress
Stress can take a serious toll on both your physical and mental health. Chronic or prolonged stress can contribute to health problems such as cardiac disease, high blood pressure, digestive issues, and decreased immunity. It can also play a role in mood problems such as anxiety or depression.
Having strong platonic relationships outside of immediate family and romantic partnerships, however, has been found to help people cope better with sources of stress. Not only that, having supportive platonic friendships lowers the stress that people face.
Increased Resilience
Platonic marriage can also play a role in helping you become more resilient in the face of life’s challenges. Whether it involves troubles in your romantic relationships, problems in your family, work struggles, or health challenges, your platonic relationships can support you as you weather these storms.
Can Any Marriage Become — Platonic?
The short answer is yes: Any marriage can be or become platonic. However, both parties must agree to this arrangement in order for it to work.
“Couples can decide from the outset that they want a platonic marriage… or the marriage can become this way over time,” Angela Amias — a licensed therapist — tells us. The reasons for this shift can vary. “When a sexual relationship diminishes or ends, but both partners can intentionally choose to honor their commitment to each other and retain an identity as a couple, even though they’re no longer sexually intimate. One partner may find come to identify as gay or queer but their commitment to their heteronormative relationship may remain and/or a queer man and woman can choose to marry and have sex with other partners, but still share an emotionally intimate life together.”
We all want to feel close and desired by our partners, and when that doesn’t happen, we may become concerned. However, feeling unwanted in a relationship is extremely common.
Especially when new relationship energy (or NRE) wears off, long-term relationships may grow boring and lead to feelings of frustration, a lack of desire, or other potential issues that lead to one partner feeling frustrated. It’s important to note that there are many reasons why someone may feel unwanted, including some causes that may signify a deeper problem with yourself or your relationship.
The circumstances do not matter. What matters is that the arrangement is agreed upon by both parties.
Speak to a therapist
They can help you and/or your partner better understand if a platonic marriage is the answer to your issues and offer suggestions on how to find a resolution.
