If you cheated on your partner, your relationship does not necessarily have to end. Even though admitting of cheating to your partner will cause much heartache and anger, your relationship can survive.
But repairing a relationship will only happen if you truly regret your decision to cheat. If you decide to confess an affair, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, not just to ease your own guilt.
Should You Save Your Marriage?
If you cheated on your spouse, you may wonder whether you can or should keep your marriage going.
Some people use affairs as a way to end a marriage. There is such immense unhappiness that an affair has developed to fill the void. Regardless of the reasons, some relationships will be salvageable and some might come to an end.
There are a number of reasons why a marriage might not survive an affair. When the betrayal is too painful or when both partners are not committed to mending the damage, it is likely that the partnership will end.
Ways to Save a Relationship After Cheating
There are steps you can take to rebuild your relationship if both you and your partner are willing to make it work.
Stop Cheating
If you care about the person you cheated with, it may be difficult to end the affair. However, it’s important that you stop cheating on your partner if you are recommitting to your relationship.
If the person you cheated with is someone you see every day, like a coworker, it may help to establish boundaries with them. For instance, you avoid speaking with them about anything that isn’t work-related. You don’t socialize with them outside of work.
The person you had an affair with might have feelings for you. If they still pursue you, you may tell them that you are recommitting to your marriage and can no longer see them.
Accept Responsibility
While you probably had your reasons for cheating, try to accept responsibility for your own actions. Avoid putting the blame only on your partner or on your relationship problems. Apologize to your partner.
Make a Decision
Do you and your partner both want to stay in the relationship? If you both want to stay together, you have a common goal. Make a decision knowing that you’ll both have to commit to rebuilding trust and communication.
If your partner wants to end the relationship, you need to respect their decision. They may also need time and space away from you before they decide, and that’s OK.
Be Honest
You must be honest, with yourself and with your partner, if you want to move forward. It’s likely that you had to lie to your partner to keep your affair a secret. Now is the time for transparency.
Be direct and open in order to help your relationship get to solid ground. Honesty in relationships is associated with lower conflict. But it is important for both partners to agree on being honest and to talk about their expectations.
Keep Your Promises
If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Be dependable and don’t break your promises. It’ll be harder for your partner to rebuild trust if you are not dependable and reliable.
Be Open and Patient
Be open to letting your partner know where you are, who you are with, and so on. Try not to hide things from them anymore.
It is normal for your partner to feel betrayed and to be mistrustful. Acknowledge their feelings and work toward rebuilding the trust that you have betrayed. Do not expect your partner to trust you again right away. But, with time, you can try to regain their trust.
Communicate
Research has shown that not being able to talk to one another is one of the most commonly cited reasons why marriages fail. Be willing to listen and talk to your partner.
If you had an affair because your relationship wasn’t meeting your needs, tell your partner what those needs are. It’s important you both understand each other fully and have a sense of what the other person needs.
Give Your Partner Some Space
It is okay to take a “time out” if emotions are running high or one of you is emotionally triggered. Sometimes, things need to cool down before you can be around each other again or talk about difficult topics.
Spend Time With Your Partner
Along with letting your partner have some alone time, you need to have together time, too. Plan date nights and, when your partner is ready, consider taking a getaway together.
Get Professional Help
You might consider seeing a relationship counselor or a marriage counselor. You need to be open to discussing and identifying issues and problems in your own personal life and in your relationship.
Some studies suggest that couples who experience infidelity and seek professional help often have optimistic results and are able to repair their relationships.
Be Willing to Forgive
You need to forgive yourself. You should take responsibility for cheating, but you don’t need to carry buckets of guilt for the rest of your life.
One study looked at how couples rebuild their marriage after an affair. Researchers found that while the process was difficult, forgiveness played a critical role.
