It can be easy for couples to grow apart over time, particularly when each person has responsibilities and commitments that pull them in other directions. Without realizing it, these forces can start to put people on differing paths, often to the point where they feel disconnected from each other.
All relationships have their own unique problems. It’s also a known fact that most relationships after the first few months or years lose the magic they once had. At that time, couples need to put in a little more effort to stay together.
Recognize the Signs
Some evidence suggests that ‘growing apart’ is one of the most common reasons why relationships ultimately fail. According to one study looking at British couples who were married or cohabitating, 39% of men and 36% of women cited ‘growing apart’ as the reason why their relationship ended.
Growing apart from your partner is a sad and scary experience but it does happen. Couples don’t just grow apart. It’s a gradual process and there are ALWAYS signs that they are beginning to drift away.
You Spend More Time Apart Than Together.
In relationships, no one says you have to spend ALL the time together. In fact, spending too much time together can be stifling and bad for a relationship.
The problem occurs when you spend more time apart than together. You start to prefer spending time with your friends. Your partner becomes too busy with work. You can even count on one hand, the number of times you see each other in a month.
When you rarely see each other and spend quality time together, this may just be a sign that both of you have begun to grow apart.
The Thought Of “Forever” No Longer Seems That Exciting.
In relationships, at the start, you both are lovey eyed and every single thing is perfect. As you spend more time together, problems begin to come in. The feelings are not as magical as they were in the beginning. That’s normal.
It’s at this point that couples need to put in a little more effort to keep the relationship working. They need to prove that they want to be together, forever.
Now, that’s the issue. You’ve been thinking and you aren’t sure that you want to spend forever with this person anymore. This doesn’t mean a slight doubt or tug in the chest because that happens at one point or the other.
I’m talking about a situation when you are constantly, feeling that you can no longer stay with him or her. You feel you can no longer spend the rest of your life with this person. If you have these feelings, then yes. it’s a sign that something is wrong and you are growing apart.
The Simple Conversations Have Vanished.
When you and your beau no longer hold simple conversations like the ” How was your day?” “I got a new dress” ” Kelly makes me mad” or even the “it’s sunny today” conversations, things are beginning to tip over.
These conversations are what keep the relationship going. When you no longer have those conversations. When you would rather call a friend to discuss your day than tell it to your partner. It’s pretty clear that both of you are growing apart.
The Tough Conversations Have Vanished Too.
In every relationship, couples have problems. Fixing these problems involve communicating with each other and having tough discussions. When it gets to the point that you and your partner no longer have these tough conversations, alarm bells begin to ring.
There is tension. You both can feel it. But, you don’t want to discuss the issue at hand. Either because you don’t see the point or both of you are willing to let it slide.
When this happens, you both might be growing apart. Why? When problems are not solved, they become like cancer. Eating away at the relationship until it dies altogether and there is nothing left.
Every Conversation Is An Argument
Every time you speak to each other all you do is argue. Your conversations are laced with venom, hatred, criticism and sarcasm. Your time spent together becomes toxic and you both never agree on anything.
In fact, you fight over EVERYTHING! This is a sign that the relationship is drifting away and might soon capsize.
There Is No Emotional Intimacy.
If you can’t remember the last time either of you said ” I love you” or said something nice or sweet to each other. It is more likely than not, something might be wrong.
Both of you no longer share emotional moments. Moments, such as your laughter, your tears, your fears and your insecurities. You don’t support each other. These are clear signs that you both might be growing apart.
A Lack Of Physical Intimacy
More often than not, a lack of physical intimacy is a clear sign that both partners are beginning to grow apart. Those sparks are a massive part of what keeps a relationship working.
Physical intimacy including sex. When last did you both hug, or lean on the other’s shoulder to shed a tear? An arm around the waist, or that pat on the back that says ” Calm down, I’m here for you.” If you can’t remember, then it’s likely you both are growing apart.
Sometimes these signs can be glaringly obvious, but they can also be subtle or develop slowly over time. Instead of brushing it aside, it is important to recognize that this is a problem that you can work together to resolve.
Share Your Concerns
The first step toward overcoming the growing distance between you and your partner is to talk about your concerns. However, it’s important to make sure this is a conversation and not a confrontation.
You might start the conversation by talking about what you are feeling. For example, you might say something like, “I feel like we aren’t as close as we used to be and I’d like to find ways to spend more time together.”
Don’t go into the conversation with comments like “You’re never around” or “You act like you don’t even care anymore.” While you might feel those things to be true, starting a blame game will only put the other person on the defensive and make them less likely to want to work together on rebuilding your intimacy and connection.
Spend Time Together
Research suggests that couples who spend more time together tend to experience greater happiness and less stress. Shared time together, however, isn’t always easy to come by.
Studies looking at the intersecting demands of work and family suggest that both are high-demand and time-intensive institutions that require a great deal of devotion. This requires individuals to make choices about where they spend their time, which sometimes leads to relationships getting short-changed in order to make time for kids and work.
Have Fun Together
Any relationship can start to feel less exciting over time as the realities of maintaining a lasting partnership and the grind of day-to-day life take precedence over keeping the passion alive.
“People stop engaging in the very activities that brought them together in the first place,” explain therapists Robert Schwarz and Elaine Braff, authors of “We’re No Fun Anymore: Helping Couples Cultivate Joyful Marriages Through the Power of Play.
Get Professional Help
If the distance seems to be growing despite both of your efforts, consider talking to a mental health professional. Couples counseling can be helpful for identifying underlying problems, helping couples rebuild intimacy, and improving empathy and communication.
