My Partner Wants A Divorce! 5 Ways To Get Them Back

My partner wants a “divorce” pounds away in your mind… you can’t think or sleep. Learn 5 ways to get them back.

You are devastated having learned that your wife wants a divorce!

Yes, she complained in the past that she was unhappy — but you never thought you would hear the words, “I WANT A DIVORCE!” from your wife or partner.

The rejection, the uncertainty, and the fear of the future consume you.

You want to know, “What do I say to a wife who wants a divorce?”

You are asking, “How can I get my wife back when she wants a divorce?”

We want to help you: we are Family First Counseling Center. We are couples relationship expert.

We have helped thousands of couples turn their troubled relationships around and make them healthy, happy, and long-lasting.

Save your marriage or committed relationship

You want to save your marriage or committed relationship.

We commend you for your desire and efforts toward that end — especially if you have children. Divorce is destructive and should be avoided when possible.

The first thing you need to do is change your approach and your thinking. Trying to convince your partner that she is at fault for the broken marriage or committed relationship will just push her away further!

E-book: How The Best Marriages Work

Don’t expect her or him to just accept her/him unhappiness! If you do, you are making your situation worse!

You need to understand that you need to offer your wife or partner a better life.

You need to recognize that it is your actions and not your words which will prove that you are sincere when promising that things will be better in the future.

Listen to your partner

The only way your wife or partner will consider living with you is when you are an asset in her life. You must listen and learn what you have done that has upset her and then you must consider how to change your behavior for the better so she is happy to be with you.

Yes, your wife or girlfriend also has areas to improve! However, she must decide on her own to make these corrections.

At another time you can make the request that she also improve, but not now. During this time of crisis, she will only hear your request that she too improve as criticism of her.

The only person YOU can fix is yourself, you have full control over yourself — and this should be your focus during this time of relationship crisis.

Be humble and listen to what your wife or partner tells you…
When you listen carefully, you will learn what you can do to contribute to her happiness — take note of everything she says. Each one of her words is like a gold nugget you can use to create an opportunity to keep your marriage or committed relationship together.

Divorce has become common

Trouble relationship and with wife asking for divorce.

These days, many people throw away years of marriage happiness in a flash. The many positive happy memories are tossed aside as if they never happened!

You are in shock that this is happening to you — that your partner or wife wants to end the relationship!

Your wife or partner tells you the children will be okay, and that you can find someone better.

The only thing you can think of is getting angry, yelling at her, calling her names and exposing her bad character to all your family and friends… but you know this will only make matters worse, and you are right — if you do this you will ruin any chance of fixing your broken marriage or committed relationship.

You try to hug your wife, but she stiffens like a board; she is not present.

You know she is not cheating. Then why does she want a divorce? You know you are not perfect… but a divorce!

STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING! Try to figure out why this is all happening…

How can I get my partner back when they want a divorce?

Here are five things you need to ‘say and do’ that will increase your chances at getting your wife or partner to take back her words, “I want a divorce,” and for her to decide to stay with you:

Acknowledge how you have hurt her/him

With a big dose of humility, ask your wife or partner what you have done to make her life miserable.

Make a list for your benefit, so you will remember.

Ask her questions for clarification. You really need to understand her experience of living with you. Most important, do not get mad, justify or explain your behavior. If you do, your wife or partner will perceive it as callous and indifference to her pain.

At this time, just make a list of her grievances. Ask for examples of a particular situation so you can increase your understanding.

At a later time, when you are alone, you can try to understand what she is telling you and why she wants a divorce.

You need to connect with how she experiences you. Perception is everything and if this is how your partner perceives past events, then your best move is to accept what she says and learn from it.

In a relationship crisis, subjective perception is often more important that accuracy and truth!

Don’t tell her she is ‘irrational and unreasonable’— she will just interpret that to mean you think she is ‘crazy’ and she tell you once more that she wants a divorce!
Going forward, and to the best of your ability, correct any of the behaviors that your wife finds objectionable.

Apologize

When you understand how your partner has been hurt by you, and you have remained calm and contrite, you can now tell her you are “sorry” that you have hurt her.

You don’t have to agree that your behavior was ‘bad.’ You may or may not agree. However, you can regret that she was hurt by you regardless of your intentions.

When your apology is sincere, and your wife or girlfriend is receptive, she will feel you understand her feelings. This is important to her and will bring her closer to you. It is a good start to a relationship recovery!

Learn anger management

Anger is love’s poison!

Why?

Anger and love cannot coexist together.

When both are present in equal measure anger will always prevail. That’s just the way it is!

You need to learn how to remain calm regardless of what your wife or girlfriend does or what happens. You may not like or approve of everything, but you do need to stay calm and respectful at all times.

Marriage or a committed relationship cannot exist without love. Sexual love, emotional love, admiration and approval. Anger kills all these loves.

If there is any hope of recovery and marriage restoration, then you need to stop all expressions of anger. Simple… yes, simple!

If you find staying calm difficult, get some professional help or try a course in anger management.

Court your partner, show them love and romance

Some men think courtship begins with a date and then ends when they get married — not so. Courtship never ends.

Recall the activities you did that led to the two of you falling in love with each other. Start doing them now and continue forever.

When circumstances change, new ways of experiencing pleasurable times together must be sought.

For example, if now you have children and it is difficult to get out of your house, after they are asleep make a romantic party in the privacy of your bedroom. Decorate the room, get special foods, put on romantic music or a watch a chick-flick and the like.

Courtship requires effort, and the reward will be a loving and lasting marriage or committed relationship.

As you would tend to your garden, you need to tend to your relationship to keep it healthy, exciting, and romantic.

P.S.: Sex must be part of your marriage or committed relationship. Your partner needs your sexual attention. If you are living in a sexless marriage — then it is imperative you do what it takes to remove any obstacles to a full romantic relationship.

Recognize that a marriage or a committed relationship is a voluntary relationship

Relationship fact: Your wife or partner will only stay with you if you are pleasant to be with.

Most people put a lot of time, effort, and money into looking attractive. They buy fashionable clothes, they try to maintain a healthy-looking physique, and they try to have the best smile possible. However, this is only part of the story.

You also need to be emotionally attractive. You need to be kind, generous, compassionate and sweet. And when you are of good character, your wife or girlfriend will want to be around you.

You want your wife to enjoy being with you; so you must be emotionally attractive.

A marriage or a committed relationship is a voluntary institution. You cannot force your wife to be with you. But you can attract her with your good character. This is your best strategy — in fact it is your only strategy!

Your wife or partner must choose you over all other available men. And you must give her compelling reasons to do so.

Be a man of good character. And the foundation of “good character” is being calm, anger-free. Your wife or partner must feel that you respect and approve of her, that you cherish her. (If you are unprepared to do this — for whatever reason — it could be the best thing for both of you to move-on and try with someone else.)

Without good character you will never get any traction trying to convince your wife or partner to stay with you!

She has told you “she wants a divorce” and she will get it!— unless you can prove you are becoming a better husband or partner.

So your partner wants a divorce?

Transform yourself into the man that your wife or partner can love. This is the best you can do to increase the likelihood that your wife will take back her words, “I want a divorce” and the two of you can live happily ever after.